Let Them See You Live

I think most of us became parents with a pretty clear idea of what we wanted to teach our kids.

Be kind. Be curious. Try new things. Take care of yourself. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Be brave.

And then, somewhere between packing lunches, answering approximately 47 questions before breakfast, remembering dentist appointments, and wondering why there are socks in the backyard, we sometimes forget that our kids aren't just listening to what we tell them.

They're watching what we do.

From the very beginning, kids are little sponges. They're watching how we talk to ourselves. How we treat other people. How we handle frustration. How we spend our time. What we make room for.

They're watching us live.

And that thought can feel a little... intimidating.

Because if I'm being honest, I'm not always the example I'd like to be.

I've definitely had days where I've told my kid to put down the screen while I immediately picked up my phone. I've told him to be patient while silently wondering how many times I can check the clock before it becomes obvious that I am absolutely not being patient. I've encouraged him to try something new while staying firmly in my own comfort zone.

So no, I don't think we're supposed to become perfect examples.

I think we're supposed to let our kids see us being human.

What Are We Showing Them?

I've been thinking a lot about the things my child is learning without me ever sitting down to teach them. If I constantly talk about how tired I am, how I don't like how I look, how I don't have time for anything, or how everything is too hard...

They're hearing that.

If I never do anything just because I enjoy it, they might start believing that adulthood is mostly about doing things you don't want to do. And if I spend all my time taking care of everyone else while putting myself at the very bottom of the list, what am I accidentally teaching them about what it means to take care of yourself?

This isn't about guilt. Believe me, we have enough of that as parents.

It's just something I've started noticing.

Our kids don't need us to demonstrate a perfect life.

They need to see a lived one.

Go Do the Thing

Go paddleboarding even if you're not very good at it. Dance in the kitchen. Take the scenic route home. Learn something you've always been curious about. Go outside when it's raining. Make something badly. Read a book because you want to, not because you should. Put your phone down and build the ridiculously complicated LEGO structure your kid has been asking you to build for the last three days.

Let them see you laugh.

Let them see you fail.

Let them see you get excited about something.

Let them see you change your mind.

Let them see you try again.

Because when we tell our kids to be curious about the world, I think there's something pretty powerful about letting them see that we're curious about it too.

And when we tell them to take care of themselves, maybe they should occasionally see us doing the same.

Not perfectly. Just intentionally.

They're Going to Remember More Than We Think

I don't remember every toy my parents bought me. I don't remember every meal. I certainly don't remember whether the house was clean.

But I remember experiences.

I remember the feeling of being somewhere. Doing something. Being included.

And I think that's what our kids are going to carry with them, too.

They're going to remember the Saturday we decided to go to hiking even though nobody was organized enough to bring the right shoes.

They're going to remember riding bikes until the sun started going down.

They're going to remember watching you attempt something you've never done before.

They're going to remember the ridiculous dance you did in the kitchen.

They're going to remember that you laughed.

They're going to remember that you played.

They're going to remember that you were there.

And maybe most importantly, they're going to grow up knowing that life isn't something you wait to start once the house is clean, the laundry is folded, the work is finished, and everyone else is taken care of.

Life is happening right now.

And they are watching. So maybe we should let them see us live it.

Not for Instagram.

Not because we're trying to create a perfect childhood.

Not because we need to become some wildly adventurous family who spends every weekend camping under the stars.

Just because we're here. And because there's something we love about being alive.

I want my child to grow up believing that life is worth being curious about. That trying something new is exciting. That taking care of yourself matters. That it's okay to have hobbies, passions, dreams, and ridiculous little things that make you happy.

And I think the best way I can teach him that is to let him see me doing it.

So this weekend, go do something. Something you love. Something you've been putting off. Something completely ordinary that you know your kid will think is the greatest thing you've ever suggested.

Go get ice cream.

Go for a hike.

Build a fort.

Ride bikes.

Swim until your fingers wrinkle.

Put on music and dance terribly.

Let the laundry wait.

Let dinner be simple.

Get a little dirty.

Try something new.

And if you're lucky, your kids will join you.

Because maybe raising kids who know how to live doesn't start with teaching them.

Maybe it starts with letting them watch us do it.